Something to ADD...

Confession time: I've known for quite some time that I probably had a condition know as ADD  (Attention Deficit Disorder, also commonly called ADHD for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  I've never been formally diagnosed but I lived with symptoms all through my childhood.  It wasn't until my mom was reading a book on the topic (while trying to "diagnose" my brother) that she realized that I had symptoms of the disorder and had had them for a very long time.  I was a senior in high school at the time.

Fast Forward to today (nearly 11 years since I graduated high school):  I'm a wife, mother, and aspiring doula.  Until recently I never fully appreciated the effect that ADD had on my present day life.  Most people assume that ADD is something you grow out of... something that adults don't usually have to deal with.  I guess I assumed the same thing, but it simply isn't true.

And there's something to this disorder.  In school children the main goal of treatment is usually to get them through school.  Help them focus enough to keep grades up, not interrupt the teacher, stay in their seat, etc.  But what about adults?  I think the reason most of us assume that ADD something adults don't have to deal with is because it is often referred to as a learning disorder.  But it is so much more than that.

I often find myself trailing off in conversations and "come back" to them completely unaware of what was said.  For this reason I often miss out on important details.

I have trouble remembering to do things... sometimes important things.  And will forget until the day of that we're having dinner with someone that night.  Sometimes I don't remember until an hour or two before.  Sometimes not until I am reminded.

There's a lack of urgency on things that would otherwise be urgent.  I heard someone explain it like this:  It is a surprise every November when you start seeing Christmas items in stores and people start shopping for Christmas presents.  It may never occur to an ADD person that it is time to put up decorations or start buying Christmas presents because Christmas is still so far away.  There has to be something that triggers you to think that it is coming soon.  For some it may be the deadline for having Christmas presents shipped.  For others it may be a Christmas party.  But it takes that trigger to make you realize that it IS in fact Christmas time.  For me, it's things like needing to take items to a family dinner.  I don't think to ask ahead of time because it still seems so far away... it isn't until the day of that I think, "Oh, we're having dinner at ___'s house tonight!  Maybe I should ask if I should bring something."  I'm told that for many without ADD it is annoying to have someone wait until the last minute like that.  It is more than procrastination (something I also struggle with) but I'm not sure I have the capacity to explain it well.

I still find it difficult to complete tasks without getting sidetracked.  It goes like this: "I'm going to unload the dishwasher."  1 hour later after walking into the kitchen for a glass of water, "Oh, I only unloaded most of the top of the dishwasher."  What I did during that hour is anyone's guess.  Sometimes it's other housework bits and pieces.  On a really bad day I'll get the bed half made, the dishwasher half unloaded, the bathroom sink wiped off, and about 3 items of clean, dry clothing folded.  I never think to myself, "Oh, this is boring, I'm going to go do something else now."  It just happens.

And it affects my parenting skills.  I have a strong desire to spend time playing with my children, but when I get down in the floor with them with the best of intentions, I will find myself back at the computer, or working on housework, or reading a book, or snacking, or cutting coupons or doing headstands (not really).

I have a hard time following through and being consistent on things (as I discussed earlier) like discipline.  I'm normally a fairly patient person, but I can only put a child back to bed so many times before I kind of "flip out."  Time outs are as excruciating for me as they are for the kids.  Sometimes I'll forget we are in the middle of one.  Yes, I use a timer and yes they are relatively short time outs, but I still forget sometimes.

These are only a few examples.  But the question is what do I do about it?  My brain is obviously wired differently, and how do I cope.  Sure, I could put out the money and time to be formally diagnosed and then buy drugs in an attempt to control it, but I don't like that option.

Some things are easier for me to come up with creative solutions to than others.  When it comes to having dinners at someone else's house I have options.  I can ask the usual host to just tell me each week what to bring.  I could ask my husband to ask (if he remembers.  His excuse?  He's male.) ;-)  I could set a reminder on my phone each week to ask a few days in advance. 

But what do I do about spending time with my kids? What do I do about getting them to sleep in the same room without losing my (usually mild) temper?  What do I do about days when I just can't seem to get anything done that I need to get done?

It is frustrating.... and worrisome sometimes.  I don't want it to use this as an excuse, but sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between an excuse and a reason.  And the truth is, I'm honestly looking for solutions.  I'm looking for different ways to do things.  Ways that will work for me.

And I'm looking for natural "cures," like coffee.  I can't think of a yummier way to treat anything!  But sometimes I feel like the coffee really works, and sometimes I don't notice much difference.  Of course, I don't use the coffee daily and that may make a difference.

I wonder if any of this sounds familiar to any of my readers and if any of you have found non-drug ways to cope.  Speak up if you have!