Something to ADD...

Confession time: I've known for quite some time that I probably had a condition know as ADD  (Attention Deficit Disorder, also commonly called ADHD for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder).  I've never been formally diagnosed but I lived with symptoms all through my childhood.  It wasn't until my mom was reading a book on the topic (while trying to "diagnose" my brother) that she realized that I had symptoms of the disorder and had had them for a very long time.  I was a senior in high school at the time.

Fast Forward to today (nearly 11 years since I graduated high school):  I'm a wife, mother, and aspiring doula.  Until recently I never fully appreciated the effect that ADD had on my present day life.  Most people assume that ADD is something you grow out of... something that adults don't usually have to deal with.  I guess I assumed the same thing, but it simply isn't true.

And there's something to this disorder.  In school children the main goal of treatment is usually to get them through school.  Help them focus enough to keep grades up, not interrupt the teacher, stay in their seat, etc.  But what about adults?  I think the reason most of us assume that ADD something adults don't have to deal with is because it is often referred to as a learning disorder.  But it is so much more than that.

I often find myself trailing off in conversations and "come back" to them completely unaware of what was said.  For this reason I often miss out on important details.

I have trouble remembering to do things... sometimes important things.  And will forget until the day of that we're having dinner with someone that night.  Sometimes I don't remember until an hour or two before.  Sometimes not until I am reminded.

There's a lack of urgency on things that would otherwise be urgent.  I heard someone explain it like this:  It is a surprise every November when you start seeing Christmas items in stores and people start shopping for Christmas presents.  It may never occur to an ADD person that it is time to put up decorations or start buying Christmas presents because Christmas is still so far away.  There has to be something that triggers you to think that it is coming soon.  For some it may be the deadline for having Christmas presents shipped.  For others it may be a Christmas party.  But it takes that trigger to make you realize that it IS in fact Christmas time.  For me, it's things like needing to take items to a family dinner.  I don't think to ask ahead of time because it still seems so far away... it isn't until the day of that I think, "Oh, we're having dinner at ___'s house tonight!  Maybe I should ask if I should bring something."  I'm told that for many without ADD it is annoying to have someone wait until the last minute like that.  It is more than procrastination (something I also struggle with) but I'm not sure I have the capacity to explain it well.

I still find it difficult to complete tasks without getting sidetracked.  It goes like this: "I'm going to unload the dishwasher."  1 hour later after walking into the kitchen for a glass of water, "Oh, I only unloaded most of the top of the dishwasher."  What I did during that hour is anyone's guess.  Sometimes it's other housework bits and pieces.  On a really bad day I'll get the bed half made, the dishwasher half unloaded, the bathroom sink wiped off, and about 3 items of clean, dry clothing folded.  I never think to myself, "Oh, this is boring, I'm going to go do something else now."  It just happens.

And it affects my parenting skills.  I have a strong desire to spend time playing with my children, but when I get down in the floor with them with the best of intentions, I will find myself back at the computer, or working on housework, or reading a book, or snacking, or cutting coupons or doing headstands (not really).

I have a hard time following through and being consistent on things (as I discussed earlier) like discipline.  I'm normally a fairly patient person, but I can only put a child back to bed so many times before I kind of "flip out."  Time outs are as excruciating for me as they are for the kids.  Sometimes I'll forget we are in the middle of one.  Yes, I use a timer and yes they are relatively short time outs, but I still forget sometimes.

These are only a few examples.  But the question is what do I do about it?  My brain is obviously wired differently, and how do I cope.  Sure, I could put out the money and time to be formally diagnosed and then buy drugs in an attempt to control it, but I don't like that option.

Some things are easier for me to come up with creative solutions to than others.  When it comes to having dinners at someone else's house I have options.  I can ask the usual host to just tell me each week what to bring.  I could ask my husband to ask (if he remembers.  His excuse?  He's male.) ;-)  I could set a reminder on my phone each week to ask a few days in advance. 

But what do I do about spending time with my kids? What do I do about getting them to sleep in the same room without losing my (usually mild) temper?  What do I do about days when I just can't seem to get anything done that I need to get done?

It is frustrating.... and worrisome sometimes.  I don't want it to use this as an excuse, but sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between an excuse and a reason.  And the truth is, I'm honestly looking for solutions.  I'm looking for different ways to do things.  Ways that will work for me.

And I'm looking for natural "cures," like coffee.  I can't think of a yummier way to treat anything!  But sometimes I feel like the coffee really works, and sometimes I don't notice much difference.  Of course, I don't use the coffee daily and that may make a difference.

I wonder if any of this sounds familiar to any of my readers and if any of you have found non-drug ways to cope.  Speak up if you have! 

A Method to the Madness

I've never been very organized.  Don't get me wrong I can organize.  As a child I would occasionally organize books on my bookshelf.  As a teen I would occasionally organize my closet, or my dresser drawers, my room, etc..  The problem is staying organized.  And routine has never been a close friend of mine.  Obviously this shows in my home, my purse and my car most of the time.

I have kids now.  Organization has started to become a necessity.  I find myself craving the sanity it can bring to my life, but it always seems so difficult to implement... and maintain.  I find myself doing the madwoman cleaning binge every now and again... usually when company is due, but recently I have discovered methods that are working for me.  Methods that are helping me keep my home more presentable, more sane, and more liveable.

I'm working in routines.  Sometimes they are tedious.  Sometimes they are just flat boring.  But I'm doing what any good adventurer does and persevering.  In books and movies you never see what the adventurers are doing probably most of the time.  For example, the best I can tell the Lord of the Rings trilogy shows us what happens over a period of 3 years (though I've seen argument that it spans more like 21 years: http://preview.tinyurl.com/8459jbs).  Yet you can watch the entire trilogy in just under 11 and a half hours (according to wikipedia).  What don't you see?  Well sure, they have to cut out some of the adventure just to make it a reasonable watching length, but you also don't see a lot of boring stuff.  Routine.  Walking and walking and walking.  Sleeping.  Cooking. Eating.  Resting.  But you know all of that stuff had to happen to get them to all the big adventurous plot twists and turns.

So, for now, I'm working on all the boring stuff so that our adventures can be more fun!  An impromptu wrestling match in the living room floor is much more fun when there aren't toys scattered all over the living room, after all.  And it's fun to have friends over to play without having to do a mad dash through the apartment to clean it first.  And maybe it's not fun but it is certainly a lot easier to go check on your kids at night, or comfort a crying child, or even sleep on the floor of their room occasionally when you don't have to worry about stepping, sitting or laying on toys.  OUCH!

And that is kind of where it started to click for me.  There had to be a solution.  We don't have a room that can be used as a play room, so that wasn't an option.  We had already gotten tired of having all the toys in our living room, so that wasn't an option anymore.  So I got creative (we sorta).  I got three large bins with lids (that the boys have not yet figured out how to remove) and I organized.  I got rid of toys they didn't play with anymore.  I put all of the cars and trucks and other automobiles in a box.  I put all of the trains, train tracks, and train cars in another box.  I put all of the "other" toys that didn't belong in either category in the third box.  Now, when the boys get up in the morning I ask them which box they want to play with.  They get ONE box.  If they decide that want to play with different toys, that's fine!  They just have to put all the other toys away first.  Before naptime AND before bedtime we clean up the toys that are out (which is less of a big deal since only one type of toy is out in the first place) and put the lid on the box.  Voila!  One less bedtime struggle!  Since there are no toys out I don't have to worry about them playing with toys all through naptime/nighttime!  And if I need to go in there for some reason there are no toys in the floor to worry about. 

Now, every once in a while I let them have two boxes open at once.  Usually the cars and trains.  Then, when it's time to clean up we also get to work on sorting.  And you know what one really big bonus is?  Their Sunday School teachers are always bragging about how well my kids clean up when it's time.  Picture me, one beaming Mama!

Now it's finally starting to catch on in my brain.  I'm getting routines down in the rest of our place.  I'm getting dishes done on a daily basis (never before have I done this... yeah... I know).  I'm doing at least a load of laundry every day that I'm home.  I'm making my bed every day.  There just isn't a feeling quite like climbing into a made bed at the end of the day.  I'm even "cleaning" my bathroom daily.  And all of this doesn't take long at all.  It's all very simple and relatively quick, but it keeps me from having a chaotic and messy home. 

We'll get there.  And hopefully I'll be able to help my children learn to be a little more organized than their mother has historically been!

Laundry soap adventures

I've been intrigued for a while in making my own household cleaners.  For quite some time we've been using a spray bottle of vinegar as an all purpose cleaner and also using vinegar as fabric softener.  I'd finally heard so much on Pinterest about making your own laundry detergent that I decided to try it.  I read many, many, many recipes and found that they are all mostly the same with a few added ingredients in some of them.  After all of my reading I made a trip to the store and made my own.  I'm a week into using my own laundry detergent and I must say I am very pleased!  I've even used it on a particularly messy batch of cloth diapers and it works like a charm!  I'm hooked!  It's healthier for my family and the environment and cheaper (over the long haul) than store bought detergents also.  The ingredients cost me about $20 up front, but they will last me so long that I can't even imagine the cost savings!

Ok, enough about me, here is the recipe I used.  I will double it next time, but wanted to make a smaller batch to try it out first.

1/2 bar of ivory soap (everything I read says to use any soap you like.  Ivory is cheap so I bought it)
1/2 cup borax
1/2 cup WASHING soda
1/2 cup BAKING soda

Step 1: Grate soap.
Step 2: Put all ingredients in blender and blend.  (be careful, I blended too fast for too long and it made the mixture get warm, which slightly melted the soap and made my powder lumpy)
Step 3: Use 1 Tablespoon per load of laundry.

That's it. Easy, right? You can apparently also make this a liquid by melting the soap in boiling water and adding all ingredients plus the melted soap water to a couple if gallins of water. Then you would use 1/2 to 1 whole cup of detergent to each load.
I've always used liquid detergent, but just didn't want the hassle of making it a liquid. And I'm actually a little surprised at how well this homemade detergent is working! I love it! You ought to try it!

Doula-ing

As of a couple of weeks ago I am officially a member of DONA, the organization I hope to become a certified doula through.  It may seem like a small step, but to me it is huge.  I'm so ready to move forward with this!  I'm so ready to be certified and be "doula-ing" for families as a certified doula. 

Yes, I'm already accepting clients, but being certified is kind of the dream for me.  First, I'll be more marketable which means more clients, but I'll also be more comfortable charging more which means more money.  Right now I need experience and people aren't willing to hire an inexperienced, uncertified doula for as much money as they would spend on an experienced certified doula.  It makes perfect sense, and I don't blame them.  I'm just ready to be in the latter category.

I actually now have a client (I think) who is a friend and former coworker. She is about 18 weeks pregnant right now, so we have a while to go before birth day.  I'm really excited about it!  With her permission I may post more about it later. 

The next step is to get my "packet."  It's only a cost of about $35, and I plan to purchase it with some of my Christmas money, but the clock starts ticking once I get it.  I believe I have 2 years at that point to get all of my classes done, get all of my certifying births done and get it turned in... and the real expense is in the classes/workshops.  It looks like there is one in my area in June that would at least cut out the travel expense. 

The biggest adventure in all of it is child care.  I love being a stay-at-home mom, and in some ways it affords me the flexibility to be able to be a doula, but child care is difficult.  Especially as an uncertified doula.  As I mentioned before, I don't get paid much to be a doula at this point (which is fine, really.  I love just being there.  It is amazing and brings tears to my eyes every time I witness a baby being born), and that means that I don't have much money to pay a sitter.  Most of my sitters are friends and family and most of them work days... which leaves me in a bind if I need to be with a client during the day.

I suppose like everything else we will make it work.  Of course, if anyone has suggestions I am very open to them!

Too long.

It's been too long.  I'm still adventuring and we're still in cloth diapers... hopefully not for long though.  Baby 1 is potty trained of course (he's 3 now), but Baby 2... well... he's ready.  He's 2 1/4 and he's been ready for at least the past 6 months.  At first I wasn't ready.  For the past few months I've been ready as well, but trying to potty train him with Baby 1 underfoot has proved difficult.  I like the 3 day method that my friend, Kari, used with Baby 1, (yes, she is a GREAT friend) but it requires locking the potty training baby and myself in the bathroom for the better part of a day... and we have one, very tiny bathroom.  That means that having Baby 1, Baby 2 AND myself in there is a tight squeeze, to say the least, but I dare not leave Baby 1 unattended. 

One solution to this problem is to have Baby 1 stay with someone else for a few days.  I've already talked with my MIL (mother-in-law) about this as she often has long weekends (and she is so wonderful!  She often keeps the kids for us), but the timing has just never come out right.  And when I think about my weekend schedule for the next few weeks it doesn't make me hopeful for the timing to come out right any time in the near future. 

Today is my hubby's 31st birthday (Holy cow! One of us is OVER 30!).  This weekend we will be celebrating his birthday with friends.  My father-in-law and his wife will be keeping the kids for us (which I think will be so much fun for the kids!  And I think my FIL and SMIL (step-mother-in-law) will have fun too, though they may be ready for a good long nap after we pick the kids up.  All in all it should be fun weekend for all of us, but not a good weekend for potty training.

Next weekend I'm hoping to make a long overdue visit to my grandparents in Alabama.  Again, it will be a fun weekend for all but not a good weekend for potty training.

The following weekend isn't booked yet as far as I know, but I really hope that we can get pictures done.  We are long overdue for getting the boy's pictures made, but every time I've picked a time to go get them done one of us has gotten sick.  Really.  One of us has been sick since the first week in November.  It's crazy, but I've about decided that unless one of us is hospitalized before then we will use the first weekend in February to get our pictures made.  We may be pale, have red noses, have a hard time smiling, be grumpy, or even puke on our clothes right before we get the pictures done, but we will have pictures, dang it!  But again, that takes several hours out of possible potty training time. 

Oh well.  I suppose it will happen eventually.  I take it as part of the adventure.  Eventually we'll beat the time-stealing "monsters" and get this potty training thing done!  Meanwhile, Baby 2 gets to sit on the potty (or stand beside it to "pee-pee") anytime he wants to!

And hopefully Mommy will be making it to her blog a little more often too!

Until next time!